“I have had enough Lord; I have had enough,” he cried. “Now, take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”
You heard Him cry. And rather than take his life as he asked, you sent him an angel, to offer him strength. Strengthened he was by this angel, till he forgot how only a moment had passed, since he’d asked to die.
You heard the cry of his mouth but were drawn to the voice of his heart, from which you’d heard: “Save me, Lord. Save me. Help me live.”
You listened to his heart, You helped him live.
There are half fools and there are full fools. The half fool says with his mouth, “there is no God,” and ponders on his bed if he could be wrong, going on to live through his endeavors with the consciousness of a supreme being. The fool says in his heart, “there is no God,” but declares round his world “I believe in God! I believe in God!” His forehead is anointed with oil, his lips sing praises to the King, but his heart lives, unremorsefully, in hate of his brother.
He is deceived by his hypocrisy, but You are not. You, Judge of acts and intents of the heart, see clearly his iniquity.
We crowd into places of worship. We kneel, bow, chant, sing, dance, scream, squeal; doing all with the belief you are pleased with our shenanigans. But in one swoop, we strike down our brothers, with weapons of words, looks, and despicable sneers.
We do not know to love our enemies as You do. We are not bothered. We do not know to treat hospitably men of lower estate than ours. We boast of it, just like we do of the many moments we ‘gather at Your feet’.
We say we love You, but hate our brothers, our sisters and our enemies.
You are not deceived by our acts, our voices, our words. First you listen to our hearts before you listen to our acts. And when the heart is dirty, the acts are empty.
The wise man loves you with his heart. The wise man loves you with his lips. He screams “I love you God!” in the dark, when there is no glimpse of light, or glory: when no one is watching or listening. And when his world is full of light, when he lives in splendor, when everyone is watching and listening, he screams, “God! How I love you!”
He loves his brother too, his friends, his enemies. He loves them all because he loves You. He loves You because You first loved him.
Listener of eternal hearts, listen, hear my heart, repeat the words to me, that I may know to weep in terror, or rejoice in hope of eternal salvation.
Friend, God listens more to your heart than He does to your mouth. You may live in so much pain that you pray for death only to find Him bring you release because your heart cried for it. You may live humbly only to have Him tell you your heart reeks of pride. Listen to Him. He never lies.